Highly successful people fail, too—but they use these 5 phrases to stay motivated, says expert

Every successful person faces disappointment. Whether it’s being passed over for a promotion, receiving harsh feedback, or losing a contract to a competitor, setbacks happen. But so many of us feel deflated by these mishaps, often because we believe they mean we’re incapable or flawed.

Unfortunately, negative self-talk can sabotage the one thing every successful person needs to try again: motivation. As a behavioral design expert and the author of “Beyond Belief: The Science-Backed Way to Stop Limiting Yourself and Achieve Extraordinary Results,” I’ve seen how motivation drives human behavior, and how our beliefs influence it.

Beliefs peppered with self-criticism can tank motivation, but turning negative self-talk into more positive language can fuel tenacity.

Highly successful see challenges as opportunities instead of setbacks. Here are five phrases they use to stay motivated.

This phrase reframes a fixed limitation as a temporary state. Remember that every successful person struggles to solve a problem or learn something new; it’s part of the growth process.

Instead of telling yourself, “I haven’t figured this out,” tell yourself, “I haven’t figured this out yet.” Tiny edits alter the meaning of our words, and adding “yet” transforms a self-critical phrase into motivational wisdom.

Encouraging words can increase stamina, especially when you’re mentally fatigued. How you talk to yourself can prevent setbacks from squashing your motivation.

Not hitting a metric, whether it’s missing a sales goal or getting passed over for a promotion, can feel catastrophic. When this happens, the brain can interpret the bad feelings that arise as evidence of incompetence or a character flaw.

Mistaking feelings for facts is a “thought trap” called “emotional reasoning.” According to cognitive psychologists, thought traps can create negative feedback loops that lead us to draw negative conclusions.

This phrase offers a more empowering approach, reframinga judgment about your self-worth as just one of many data points.

Asking yourself this question can activate self-compassion when you need it most.

When a friend hits a rough patch, we show up with encouraging words and flowers, and listen without judgment. Yet when we find ourselves in similar situations, it’s easy for our inner critics to drown out self-compassion.

The top reason people resist showing themselves kindness, research has found, is the belief that self-compassion indicates laziness or self-indulgence. Yet, research also shows that self-directed kindness can increase our motivation to learn, help us change for the better, and prevent us from making the same mistakes.

Imagine giving a big talk in front of your colleagues or taking the lead on a big project. In these situations, it’s easy for us to feel like we have to “prove” what we know or impress everyone who might be watching.

When you find yourself in this situation, tell yourself: “I’m building the skill, not proving my talent.” These words remind us to focus on growth rather than performance.

Personal and professional setbacks can spark uncomfortable emotions like fear, frustration, and shame.

While it’s human nature to avoid these feelings, doing so can lead to what I call “failure-justifying beliefs.” Examples include beliefs such as, “It’s too hard to take big risks,” and, “I should give up before something else goes wrong.” Unfortunately, these beliefs can sabotage our goals.

A better approach is to tell yourself, “This feeling is temporary, my goal isn’t.” Uncomfortable feelings never linger, especially when you acknowledge them. Research shows that embracing discomfort cultivates personal growth. It can even fuel motivation, inching us closer towards our goals.

Nir Eyal is the bestselling author of “Hooked” and “Indistractable” and a former Stanford lecturer. His latest book is “Beyond Belief: The Science-Backed Way to Stop Limiting Yourself and Achieve Extraordinary Results.” Download his free 5-Minute Belief Change Plan.

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